Role Reversal

I'm coaching a couple with a severe case of role reversal. She is standoffish and wants space while he is slightly clingy and requires constant attention.

They love each other, but he loves her more than she loves him, which is putting a damper on the relationship.

I have given them a one week challenge: He cannot complain that he's not getting enough attention and she has to give him more attention than normal.

My goal is to alleviate the tension between them for one week to allow their love for each other to grow instead of diminsh.

Cross your fingers for them. I'll let you know the outcome.

Girl Time

Spending time with friends is something I promote to women at nauseum and today I followed my own advice. I came across an advertisement for a tour of art galleries in my area and invited a gal pal to come along.

We had a great time laughing at each other's stories and taking in the sites. Some of the art was breathtaking, some of it disturbing, and some of it sadly resembled something out of first grade art class. But no matter what hung on the walls, the real beauty of the day lied in the memory we were painting in our minds.

Girl time is so important and should never be taken for granted-even when you have a man in your life. All too often, we let our frindships go when we begin a new relationship. Find a balance for both and you will be so much happier.

Oh, No He Didn't

Here's one for the record books. I was chatting with a beautiful, accomplished woman the other day and asked her to tell me her worst date story. At first she couldn't think of any, but then it came to her.

She had been set up on a date with an Atlanta Falcons football player, which went well. The new couple planned a second date-dinner at her house.

She cooked all day making an apple pie, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, and everything else that goes into a perfect Southern dinner. Just as she was finishing up, the doorbell rang.

She welcomed her football player in and started to take his coat when he asked, "Where's your bathroom?" Slightly taken aback, she motioned down the hall. He stopped mid-way there, turned around, and walked back over to her, she thought to give her a kiss, but instead it was to ask, "Do you have a magazine or any other reading material?"

The disgust on her face must have shown because he defended his request by saying, "What, it's natural." And with that, he retreated to his throne.

Time stood still until her date finally surfaced with yet another request, "Do you have a plunger?" There's more, but I think I'll stop here. There was not a third date.

The moral of the story is:

Guys, if nature calls while on your way to a date, stop by a McDonalds.

And ladies, always keep a plunger on hand.

Weekend Date

I'm writing an article for Points North magazine on the Southern Living show home in Big Canoe (<-that's not it by the way, duh!) and as a result I was forced OTP (Outside the Perimeter), Gasp!

I'm happy to say that I not only survived the long-haul but came away with a great idea for a weekend date. To all of those in love or looking to renew their love, I suggest renting a mountaintop home in Big Canoe.

You can literally shack up with your sweetheart all weekend long or take in the sites, which include miles of nature trails, lakes, and bears-oh, my! They have restaurants on site, a gift shop and some of the nicest people around. It's the perfect way to get away from your daily routine and do some much-needed bonding.

As for me, my honey's across the ocean so I'm going to curl up with my high-maintenance dog, a good book, and, dare I say, my favorite carbs. Yummy.

Oh, No He Didn't

A friend of mine went on a blind date the other night and, at first, it was going very well. He was good looking, albeit slightly shorter than she likes, the conversation was upbeat and interesting, and the food was amazing. Then, out of nowhere, he announced that he has ADD and didn't take his meds.

All of a sudden he's bouncing all over the place and completely distracted. Little did she know, she should have packed a bottle of ritalin that night.

She finished dinner and even went back to his place for a glass of wine, I'm guessing out of sheer curiosity, but she did not go out with him ever again.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moral of this story is: Do not announce conditions, such as ADD or the like, while on a first date. It's simply not the time nor the place.

As the Crow Flys

With the launch of my new book came the launch of a new obsession over the crows feet staring back at me in every photograph and in every television appearance.

Those devilish lines never bothered me much, until now. Not one to leave well enough alone, I decided to do something about it. I called in a master photoshoper and set him loose. The result-fantastic!! The problem, they're still there when I look in the mirror.

Oh what, oh what is a girl to do? I know. I'll inject a syringe of poison into my face to paralyze the muscles around my eyes and all will be well. Sounds pretty silly, huh? I always thought so, that is, until today.

I was struck by a wild hair, my man out of town, and a brand new wireless phone just begging to be used. I dialed the seven numbers standing between myself and relief (no, my plastic surgeon isn't on speed dial) and waited anxiously for the ringing in my ear to cease.

Hello, my name is Jula Jane and I'd like to come in for Botox injections. When? I can be there in fifteen minutes! Great, I'm on my way.

In less time than you can buy a pair of shoes my crows feet were gone. Hallelujah!! I'm five years younger. Just like that.

For the naysayers out there, I say, "Don't knock it until you try it."

Oh, No He Didn't

I hear all kinds of stories from women about the faux pas of men on dates, usually entailing common mistakes like - he didn't open her door or he ordered his meal before she did. Irritating, disappointing, but not surprising.

The Oh, No He Didn't posts on my blog are going to include only those stories which surprise and shock even me, the dating columnist who's heard it all.

To get it started I'm going to share a story from a good friend of mine. She and one of her girlfriends met a nice guy at my book launch party. He was fun, charming, and eager to make a good impression. He invited them to his place later in the week for a home-cooked meal and they happily accepted.

Late in the night I was introduced to this kind soul and was delighted to hear of the impending "double date," (he planned to have one of his buddies join them for dinner). I challenged him by asking if he was going to cook something impressive. He smiled and assured me that he was aiming to please.

A few days later I ran into my girlfriend who said, "Girl, have I got a story for you." I, of course, was all ears.

The short version is this: His apartment was so dirty that the girls had to wipe the counters and sweep the floors just to feel comfortable. Their "impressive" meal turned out to be store-bought chicken over a bed of-are you ready for this-Ramen Noodles. And if that wasn't bad enough, his friend never showed.

Now, I'm not knocking 10 cent a pack Ramen noodles, I'm just saying it may not have been the best thing to serve when trying to impress two ladies.

Guys, if you invite a woman over to your place for a meal, first - clean up, and second, serve something decent. If you're not a good cook, order take-out, put it on a plate, pile a few pots and pans in the sink, and pass it off as home-cooked. She'll be glad you did.

And ladies, the next time you're feeling sorry for yourself because your date didn't pull your chair out for you at a five-star restauarnt , remember this story, count your blessings and order the lobster.

Jula Jane

Getting to Know Your Friends Q & A

My sister sent the "Getting to Know Your Friends Q & A" to me this morning with her answers filled in. My first reaction was to delete it and get to more pressing emails, but then I scanned her answers and got hooked. I had no idea her greatest fear was public speaking or that her favorite memory was perfoming a Michael Jackson dance routine in elementary school. Now I do.

I filled it out with my answers and sent it back to her, much to her delight. Now we know each other just a little bit better.

I thought it'd be fun to share it with you and invite you to play too. I hope you take the time to fill it out with your answers and post it here or email it to me at jula@julajane.com. I'd love to get to know you better.

1. Best memory in life? Seeing my book on the shelves at Barnes & Noble.

2. Last TV show that you watched? With whom? Lipstick Jungle – curled up in bed by myself
3. Favorite ice cream? McDonald’s Vanilla Cone
4. Favorite drink? Tie between coca-cola and champagne.
5. Favorite food? Pasta
6. What time did you go to bed last night? What time did you wake up? 11ish. 4:45 am for some bon voyage lovin’.
7. Do you use an alarm clock? No. My biological clock still works.
8. Last book that you read? Secrets to Date By - preparing for an interviewJ
9. How many hours a day do you work? My brain never stops so, 24-7.
10. Favorite TV show? Tie between Law and Order SVU and CSI Miami.
11. Favorite band? Nickelback – they rock!
12. Republican/Democrat/Don't care? A little bit of both.
13. Famous actor/actress that you would most like to meet in life? Sean Connery - Duh
14. Do you read a newspaper? On occasion. I hate how the ink rubs off on my fingertips.
15. Place you would most like to visit in the next year? Cairo, Egypt
16. How do you relax? Reading books and magazines. Hangin’ with friends.
17. Dream place to live? New York and London, but only with lots of cash and connections
18. What car do you drive? Mercedes SL 500
19. Dream car? Convertible Bentley
20. How long does it take you to get to work? 2.5 seconds – bedroom to living room
21. Biggest regret in life? Eating that last piece of cake
22. Biggest fear? Losing my mojo
23. Biggest pet peeve? Hypocrisy
24. How many brothers/sisters do you have? How many cousins? 1 sister, 1 half-brother, 2 step-sisters, 2 step-brothers. 10 cousins.
25. Where did you go to college? Georgia State University, Art Institute of Atlanta
26. Last movie you watched? With whom? Definitely, Maybe. With my man.

27. Earliest memory in life? I can’t remember…
28. What are your parents' names? Debra and James (Jim)
29. What is your sign? Scorpio
30. Favorite sport? Dodgeball
31. Favorite sports team? Average Joes
32. Who do you most admire? My momma
33. Best lesson that you have learned in life? Never give up
34. What did you do this past weekend? Launched my new book
35. Most embarrassing moment? Tripping up the stairs on my way to give a speech
36. How many people will you send this to? Just a few
37. Do you make friends easily? Yes, but I’m selective.
38. Favorite Smell? My man’s cologne
39. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday at the movie
40. What is your middle name? It used to be Jane. Now I don’t have one.